I didn't get to say any of this to my grandpa, and that was really upsetting. Far more upsetting than I imagined, actually, so I've written it here so I can get some sleep:
Dear Grandpa,
I know if I were you, I wouldn't want all of the hovering and worrying and watching that seems to go on when someone is sick. I think it helps us all to do those things, though, so thank you for being as patient as you can be. I'm glad I could come and visit the last few days. It's important for me to tell you that even though I can't help but remember you as you are right now, it will never be the first thing that comes to mind when I think of you. I'll remember lighting fireworks in the driveway first, and playing baseball in the back yard. Or watching you put on your work boots by the front door. Or you snoring in your chair in the mornings, covered with the paper. Or sneaking behind the refrigerators to surprise you at Sears. Mostly, I'll remember that particular way you first say "hi, Stephie" when I come to visit. I hope I can recall that sound for the rest of my life.
Anyway, I didn't mean to be long-winded; I just wanted to say goodbye. I hope peace finds you soon, in whatever form it's supposed to take. I love you, and I'm glad you're my grandpa.
-Stephie
And that's that. The whole situation was stressful and sad, but even though it wasn't like I think it should have been, I'm glad I went. And I was really glad to leave.
Today, my grandma asked me if I wanted to go with her to see the movie Defiance in the theater. I hesitated before I said yes, and I think she took it as reluctance to go. Really, though, it was because I though she asked me to go see the movie Deliverance. I immediately imagined a Rocky Horror-esque theme viewing party with costumes and scripts and traditional initiation of the virgins. I did not explain this to her.
Well, I got laid off. On one hand, it sucks because I have to find a new job in the middle of a recession. On the other hand, I hated my old job, and I was going to give my notice the second I found a new one anyway. Other than being worried about money, I'm actually fairly happy. I've been applying to (and getting turned down from) just about everything in site, but not having to work a 9-5 job for a few days has done wonders for my mental health. We'll see how I feel in a week.
There isn't much other news to report. Keith came to visit over the new year, and that was pretty good. I don't think we actually did much, but it was fun none the less. I have some friends from my old job, so I still get out on occasion. The kitties are well. ... That's about it.
